Understanding the Mother-Daughter Relationship
On Saturday, May 29, 2021, Global Women’s Peace Network, Canada held a virtual webinar on “Understanding the Dynamics between a Mother and Daughter of any Age”. This was the sixth year when WFWP Canada explored this issue and it was an occasion for discoveries and heartfelt sharing. The event was facilitated by WFWP, and was attended by 30 people, some of them French-speaking as we offered translation.
Lilly Tadin, Pres. of WFWP Canada opened the meeting with Mother Moon’s words underlining a mother’s role in nurturing and educating the family. She also encouraged the audience to reflect on their experiences with their own mother and daughters.
Our first speaker, Nalayini Moorthy is the Settlement Workers in Schools Program Facilitator for Peel District. She began her presentation with the general categories of mother-daughter relationships found in society. These are: to be like sisters, best friends, strangers, devaluating or dismissing one another, cheerleading and authoritarian.
She acknowledged that her own relationship did not fall in any of these categories since her mother was a very vulnerable person. She observed this dynamic in many new-comers families as children have to take the position of guide, translators and advisors. Her relationship with an aunt who was intelligent and strong with whom she experienced mutual respect and trust also impacted her. It allowed her to reflect on herself and not be afraid of challenges and taking risks. She acts in the same way towards her daughters-in-laws and nieces.
Our second speaker, Jacqueline Chithyoka is a long-time member of WFWP Canada, was born in Congo and lost her mother at the age of five. Fortunately, her older sister, then 17, took upon herself to care for the family. She became their mother in spite of her young age and short-comings. When she married, her husband became an inspiration for Jacqueline as a model husband.
When Jacqueline was later blessed in marriage and became a mother she couldn’t believe how deeply she could love her daughter, becoming very patient and tolerant. One impression that lingered through her sharing was the impact of her mother’s early passing and her longing for that connection, interrupted too soon.
Our last speaker, Gloria Pierre is the founder of Clearly Speaking. She coaches and trains presenters and professionals, native and non-native speakers to communicate their ideas effectively and respectfully. Her presentation first focused on her own mother who nurtured in her a sense of identity, encouraged curiosity and creativity and uplifted her when she felt down. At no time, while growing up did she not feel loved and accepted. This relationship helped Gloria prepare for her role as a parent, even if she did not think of herself as “mother material”.
With her own children she discovered that although as parents we exist to teach our children, we also must be attentive and learn what children have to teach us. Parents in today’s world must reflect and be aware of what we are telling our children and whether we do it out of habit, simply because we were brought up that way. We need to rethink our approach, show respect and recognize each other’s expertise and talents.
Gloria now has two grand-daughters to whom she is teaching to be adventurous, open-minded and accept consequences. She has also learned to not give advice unless asked.
After the speakers, we all enjoyed a cultural intermission and listened to an original French song about family dynamics from Paul Raymond Laurent titled “Amour de Dieu'' which translates to “God’s Love”. It tied in so perfectly to our topic and complemented the emotions already experienced. The event deepened our understanding of the importance of the mother-daughter relationship, how we can appreciate and support each other. As Lilly Tadin said so well; “If we harmonize we will surely rise. Mothers build the family, the family builds the world.”